“The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” Proverbs 29:15
Devotional Thought For The Day
There are a number of principles, realities, in this proverb which grate terribly upon our sinful nature. First, the matter of “the rod and reproof.” There is part of us that simply deplores all of this. Corporal punishment has come to be viewed as “barbaric” and inhumane, and in many instances has been “criminalized.” So parents today are trained to NOT utilize “the rod” [nor to spank at all] out of fear of arrest and prosecution, and just as bad, out of fear of being branded and ostracized as uncivilized and sadistic creeps. Consider the matter of Adrian Peterson and his son. Bad things happen to people who do not destroy the rod but actually dare to use corporal punishment as a means of discipline and instilling wisdom in a child. Of course, the proverb is not talking about horrific or even excessive beatings – which are usually the result of the parent disciplining out of anger [that is, to relieve his/her own sinful impulses]; in such cases the parents deserve punishment. But the proverb does advocate the use of physical and painful punishment and discipline in consequence of bad and shameful behavior, to instill wisdom and guidance [and motivation to avoid evil and to do good].
Almost as egregious is the matter of “reproof,” actually criticizing a child for doing something wrong. The foolish fear-mongers cite deep and lasting “psychological harm” as argument that even verbal reproof and correction are hateful behaviors. In that we have all felt the sting of both corporal punishment and stern correction, and our sinful nature has deeply resented such discipline, we have within us an ally in favor of outlawing all such negative conditioning. Even in adult life such reasoning is pressed forward – so that we have to be very careful in how we “coach” those who work for us or under us, and in cases of conflict we have to strive toward a “win-win” solution, even when there are obvious “right and wrong” aspects to behavior. So we see parents utilizing a strategy of “negotiating” with their children, and actually begging and pleading with them to cooperate and desist from negative and destructive behavior. It is pitiful. And the child never gets the wisdom that the rod and reproof provide. Rather, the outcome is the ruin of the child and shame for the parents. And businesses must suffer the recalcitrant bad behavior of employees who will sue if they are fired.
So the conventional “wisdom” of foolish people who are dominated by their own rebellious sinful nature is the opposite of this proverb. They believe wisdom can be gained by positive reinforcement and negotiating with rebellious and dangerous wickedness. I suppose that such people then work to convince themselves that there is no shame in having a grown up child who is selfish, dysfunctional, irresponsible, unproductive, criminal, lazy, and utterly impervious to change or growth. While it is true that there is no shame to parents who have exercised good parenting, including both positive and negative conditioning, if they have a rebellious child that never gains wisdom, it is quite the opposite when parents raise their children in a manner that is calculated to bring disgrace. Such parents should experience not only shame but punishment for their dereliction of duty and child abuse. And sadly, there are many hypocrites among us today who decry proper discipline but still have contempt for parents whose children have turned out badly. I guess they judge that if their children have turned out better – in spite of horrible and licentious parenting – this is certain proof of their superior genetics. Lord, have mercy! It is particularly horrible to see the effects of such “parenting” when it comes to the behavior of nations – the strategy that wicked leaders can be led to better behavior by mere encouragement and begging. Those who engage in this type of diplomacy should be squarely blamed for the violent and vicious consequences that follow, and held accountable.
It may seem curious that the author of the proverb identifies the “mother” as the one to whom shame comes in the matter of a child left without proper discipline. Obviously, it also comes to fathers. There is no doubt that some fathers are the lax disciplinarians, but I suspect that it is generally the mothers who are more inclined to such pity on their children that they can hardly stand to see any kind of harsh discipline imposed upon their child. Thus it is no disgrace for a child to be a “Daddy’s kid,” but is generally pejorative to be identified as a “Momma’s boy.” Painful discipline upon children is somewhat more painful, generally, for mothers – who are often more directly enmeshed in the reality of sin’s pervasive influence in human life, and the seeming incongruities this creates for “love.” Love, compassion, and mercy are wonderful things – and there is often far too little of this in the world. However, it is not genuine love, compassion, or mercy to withhold appropriately stern discipline and correction, and the wisdom that these supply [through pain and discomfort to our sinful nature], from children or from any human being. We should remember that even Christ suffered horrific punishment for our sins – and learned obedience from it [Heb. 5:8], and although He didn’t need to learn this, He submitted for our sake, so that we might follow His example. This is worthy of our contemplation – as we think about discipline and also about what Christ has provided for us in His suffering, death, and resurrection during this Holy Week .
Prayer For The Day
Dear Lord Jesus, help us to properly balance love in view of the reality of our sinful human nature, and to receive the wisdom of Your Word. Help us also to receive wisdom from the rod and reproof that we require. Preserve us from the foolishness of those who deny sin and its effects, and who cultivate wickedness and violence by lax discipline. Our times are troubling; have mercy upon us and help us. Amen.