“Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” Proverbs 29:17
Devotional Thought For The Day
The truth of this proverb is not always immediately apparent. Those children who especially require discipline – the strong-willed, stubborn, angry, and self-learning – will test our patience for many years. In fact, such parenting often becomes a battle of attrition, a contest as to who will give up first. There is a great deal of pain and frustration in all of this; we would much prefer to have non-adversarial interactions with our children, peace in the household, and the “rest” and “delight” spoken of in this proverb. And generally the proverb is true to fact, but what we desire does not come without proper, measured, consistent discipline, and a great deal of patience.
How long will it take? So what if it takes 30 or 40 years to experience the blessings of good discipline and to finally arrive at good relations with a child? I know of parents who in their 70’s and 80’s are still angry with their stubborn adult children [and probably a lot of other unresolved issues], and I know of people in their 50’s and 60’s who still have not reconciled with parents who tried to guide and direct them with discipline. What a waste – on both sides, and what confusion. How long does it take for us to realize that people are fallen, sinful, imperfect, and not professionally trained and licensed to parent? Look at the age of people when they start parenting! Generally they are in their 20’s or early 30’s. Anyone want to go back to the amount of information and experience that they had at that age? Not to mention the difficult challenges of providing for a young family with beginning wages and little disposable resources [savings, capital].
So, if you remain in a circumstance of unresolved issues with a parent or with an adult child, I would encourage applying a good bit of understanding and wisdom – along with heavy doses of patience and forgiveness. And perhaps acceptance, as we do with all kinds of other people, understanding that our children may be different than we are, and that their “world” is not the same as the “world” we grew up in. Our adult children have the same “gap” with their children, and energy wasted looking back at the past cripples our ability to fully engage the world of today – and to grow in understanding the challenges that young people face today. How will we help them – which is the purpose of discipline – if we don’t even bother to try to learn and understand? Worse, how will we have empathy and compassion for them without understanding the pressures and prevalent challenges they are facing in today’s culture? This is especially true when it comes to Christian faith and morals!
Another essential thing in parenting is to remember that we also have a Father in heaven. He is perfectly capable of parenting, and is inerrant in His application of discipline. So if there are any remaining issues with sin, misunderstanding, foolishness, misbehavior, self-destructive and ignorant choices in our own lives, and lingering dissonance with His good and gracious will, consider His patience and forgiveness. Reflect upon this for a time – a few hours, days, weeks, months, or years. Then consider that we are called to love as we have been loved. Discipline is part of this love, but so is forgiveness and patience, and acceptance of the person as a fellow sinner even when we cannot accept wrong values and behaviors. Often the lack of peace is not so much caused by the child but by our lack of real and genuine love. Our Heavenly Father also puts up with this in us, and forgives us, and continues to discipline us that we might yield rest and delight to Him and to others. What better example of parenting can we find? What better wisdom than to love as He loves us?
Prayer For The Day
Dear Lord Jesus, we confess that our parenting issues and lingering problems with parents are a consequence of the problem of our own sin and our stubbornness in our relationship with You. Thank You for the assurances of Your gracious and ongoing forgiveness and mercy toward us, for all that You have done for us in Your suffering, death, and resurrection, so that we might have opportunity to reconcile ourselves to You. Help us to grow in faith so that we can grow in love. So bless us with increasing rest and delight in all of our relationships, especially those within our family. Amen.