“Be wise, my son, and make my heart glad, that I may answer him who reproaches me.” Proverbs 27:11
Devotional Thought For The Day
It has always somewhat surprised me that people put so much stock in what their children do. I guess once it gets started – people crowing and puffing themselves up because of what their children accomplish – it becomes something like a big ego contest. The idea, apparently, is that the child’s success is principally the result of the parent’s greatness. Of course, the obverse must then also be true, that parents have to take the blame – regardless of how they parented and who they are – for the stupidity, wrongs, and crimes of their children. In such circumstances, the poor man whose son is unwise is a complete loser. I have never quite understood the logic of this, since I’ve met many stellar parents whose children are nothing like them, and I’ve also met many dimwitted parents whose children turn out to be wonderful people.
The fact that people would reproach one another in regard to their children seems incredulous. Every honest parent knows his child’s weaknesses, past failures and problems, and would not like to be judged on the basis of anyone else’s performance. Likewise, every wise and knowing person can distinguish between bad parenting and a bad outcome. The bad parenting can be reproached, but not necessarily the bad outcome – each child is ultimately responsible for their own choices, decisions, and being. And honest parents are grateful when their children do very well, not proud, knowing that in spite of what they taught their child he might have been unwise, and that no parent can guarantee and dictate the success of their child. The child deserves the honor and congratulations for accomplishing good things, not the parents. If the parents deserve any honor it is for their performance, for good parenting, not for the outcome.
Of course, whenever the outcome is good God is the One Who ultimately deserves the honor and credit, since “it is God Who works in us both to will and to do of His good pleasure,” and since “we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which He has foreordained that we should be walking in them.” [Phil. 2:13; Eph. 2:10] “Every good and perfect gift comes down from above, from the Father of lights,” so if we or our children are involved in accomplishing any good thing it actually came down from above, as a gift from the Father. [James 1:17] So why would we be wrangling for credit, honor, glory, praise, and elevation for what we do or for what our children are able to accomplish? As noted before, this phenomenon is difficult to understand, part of the foolishness of our sinful nature!
Still, it is heartwarming when our children are wise and make good decisions and choices, and this is gratifying to decent and godly parents. Real wisdom has to do with faith in Jesus Christ, and learning and conforming to the Word of God, faithfulness to the fellowship of God’s people. We would prefer this for our children, first and foremost because we know it is in their own best interest, and out of love for our children this is our chief concern for them. We would also like to be able to point to something positive if we are rebuked for some deficiency in our children – and we would defend them anyway, as much as we can in keeping with truth. I suppose we could also just punch our child’s detractor in the nose, or ignore him – he must not have much important to do if he can find time to criticize another’s child. Perhaps he is merely deflecting attention from his own children.
We should consider how it pleases our heavenly Father when we show wisdom, that which He alone can imbue in our hearts and minds. Think of how pleased God was with Job, how He commended him even to Satan! [Job 1:8] He is just as pleased with us when we live humbly, in repentance, in the joy of faith, in the joy His salvation, and in the wisdom and guidance of His Word of love, the Bible. We should probably be more concerned and focused on this rather than on others, what they think about our children or about us. After all, it is to God that we will answer, and as Christians, it is to God that we live and die – and certainly not to any human being. And we know His valuation of us, after the blood of Jesus has cleansed us from all sin and He has accounted us to be righteous through faith in Jesus. In this relationship with God we hardly have to give answer to anyone else.
Prayer For The Day
Dear Lord Jesus, deliver us and free us from all the egotistical snarls and distortions that our sinful nature drags us into. Protect us from those who rebuke us for no good cause. Humble us, and then work within us the good that You alone can accomplish, that we might be to the praise of Your glorious grace. Grant us the joy also of seeing wisdom in our children, not for the sake of ego, but because we love them dearly. Amen.